Dakedo Mi Ni Kona...: Uchi No Otouto Maji De Dekain

The phrase speaks to —the feeling of grieving someone who is still alive. The brother is not dead. He is dekai . He is right there, in phone contacts, in photos, in stories your mother tells. But he will not “mi ni kuru.” He will not present himself for inspection, for recognition, for love.

The tragedy is in the space between “huge” and “won’t visit.” The speaker isn’t complaining about his size. They are complaining about his absence . The brother has grown—physically, socially, perhaps in status—and yet he has receded from the speaker’s life. Uchi No Otouto Maji De Dekain Dakedo Mi Ni Kona...

It was retweeted over 150,000 times. In Japanese, dekai is a blunt, almost boyish word. It is not elegant ( ougina ). It is not formal ( kibo da ). Dekai is the word a flustered sister uses when her brother’s shoulders no longer fit through the kitchen door. The phrase speaks to —the feeling of grieving